From a distance, I adore your scent,
a combination of sweat and excrement.
Like a hog in a wallow, I jump right in,
because smelling your panties is no sin.

I've loved you from a distance for oh, so long,
my binoculars are wearing out, like my thong.
I don't even have an Internet presence,
because, I find being close up unpleasant.

I'm lovesick and head over heels in love,
but, only with a bird I call my turtledove.
If a cat's got my tongue, instead of my bird,
Tweet, tweet, tweet, gulp, was all I heard.

You are my dream lover from another world,
unfolding like a mystery in my mind unfurled.
You are made of atoms and crazy quarks,
you squirm like ants chewing on my quirks.

So, if you are in love of the kinky kind,
join our secret group of those of like mind.
Indulge in the love of your life, go in blind,
forever and ever, let your sick love bind.