I'll go to great lengths to promote,
I'll cross over into that television moat.
I will reengineer myself thrice online,
and whenever I publish I will gloat.

A bestseller I will easily become,
write about horror, money and fame.
for nothing attracts misery like misery,
or the quackery of the money game.

I'll write your horoscope in numbers,
to clarify your many bad dreams.
If you only buy my seminars on Ted,
full of promises bursting your seams.

But an indie writer I will always be,
looking in from the outside fringe.
For inside is only for the insiders,
no matter what my writing binge.