It seems I've become very popular,
this time of the year.

Get a lot of emails from Gloria,
wanting to be near.

I don't know who Gloria is,
But she sure sounds like a dear.

I get a lot of calls with offers,
for old folks that I don't know.

I'd like to get them something,
but they're always on the go.

Getting all those wonderful pick me ups,
that all the commercials show.

All the wonderful charities,
think that I am rich.

I gave them all three dollars like they asked,
I'm a man, but now they think I'm a bitch.

Gave me psoriasis so bad,
I don't know where to itch.

With the heartbreak of psoriasis,
I guess I'll just have to die.

But I hear they've got a pill for that,
that you have to go to Canada to buy.

And all the big politicos,
think that I'm on their side.

Support their causes to the hilt,
and take me for a ride.

With friends like that, who needs friends at all,
I'll just hang up, when they call.

And all those offers on email?
I'll mark them junk, and turn their tail.

And as for all that snail mail that comes,
makes a nice fire to warm my buns.

Happy holidays to all my friends,
to all you wannabes, our friendship ends.

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