My real mother has never been known to you know what.
My mom farts.
But she’s so sweet,
she’s in everybody's hearts.
Mom goes to the store.
Let's one go between aisles 3 & 4
Smiling so no one's the wiser.
The store clears out.
For mom's farts are silent, but stout,
and make a skunk seem a miser.
Mom loves horror movie shows.
Whenever she goes and sees the ghost,
everyone realizes its Smell-O-Vision host.
More like a rotting corpse,
a zombie's last remorse,
or the curse the mummy's most.
At the restaurant she's a riot.
With each course she's quiet.
But even the chef goes on a diet.
When mom's in church,
her morning fried egg takes a lurch,
bringing the fire and brimstone that fried it.
Mom's the last one out,
the Reverend takes her hand and shouts,
"Hurry, Armageddon is upon us!"