Ear Duct Cleaning

Got a call from a sweet young thing the other day,
said that she would clean my ear ducts,
in my home, and do it right away.
She was in my neighborhood, so she say.

And said that she'd do it for next to nothin'.
Said it was required for a good housekeeping seal.
It was like nothin' could stop her friendly zeal.

Sos I said, "Come on over, I'm home all day.
My ears always need a cleaning,
Cain't mostly hear what you say, anyway."

I spruced up my underarms and brushed my gums,
was hoping that young lady would be discreet,
when she comes--shore hoped she comes.

Twarn't no time a'tall they was at my door.
Thought I faintly heard ringin' before they,
pounded some more and then... more.

Two men entered, one young and one old.
That young woman who had called me,
wasn't there--not like she told.

That young man listened to what the old man said;
brought in a stepladder, started unscrewing screens.
When he got the screens off, stuck in his head.

The old man told me that he smelled mold and mildew,
for only $129.99 they would clean those vents,
disinfect them through and through.

He asked me if I had allergies, asthma and sinus bad?
I told him I had bad hearing and my ear ducts was clogged.
"Don't know nothing about that, see a doctor." he said.

See a doctor? I already had. Said it wasn't covered.
"Pre-existing condition" was what I had. To insurance--bad.

So I told him to go ahead to see if it would help my ears.
Hadn't cleaned those air ducts in many years.
Was getting too old for crawling around and such,
let that young man do it, he really could stretch.

After sweepin' and blown' for nearly an hour,
that old man asked me if I wanted it to smell like a flower.
"Only $59.99 and will also spray that smelly old shower."

Now these guys was startin' to get in my pocket,
startin' on my furnace into every electrical socket.
Soon they'd tell me I had unravelin' duck tape.
Let those ducts unravel, for heaven's sake!

So I shooed them out the door, to their surprise.
No ear cleaning for me today. A word to the wise.

Proper Ear Cleaning Methods

Proper Ear Cleaning Methods

An April Fool who falls for quack (duct pronounced duck)
phone calls. I'm getting more and more of these friendly,
helpful calls these days...

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Copyright 2017 © Ronald W. Hull


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