News Words for Today - 9/23/98

1) Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.

2) Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.

3) Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4) Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.

5) Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the
fruit you're eating.

6) Decaflon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.

7) Dopelar effect (n.) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
you come at them rapidly.

8) Extraterrestaurant (n.) An eating place where you feel you've been
abducted and experimented upon. Also known as an E-T-ry.

9) Faunacated (adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is
destroyed. Hence faunacatering (n.), which has made a meal of
many species.

10) Foreploy (n.) Any misrepresentation or outright lie about yourself
that leads to sex.

11) Grantartica (n.) The cold, isolated place where arts companies
without funding dwell.

12) Hemaglobe (n.) The bloody state of the world.

13) Intaxication (n.) Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with.

14) Kinstirpation (n.) A painful inability to remove relatives who come
to visit.

15) Lullabuoy (n.) An idea that keeps floating into your head and
prevents you from drifting off to sleep.

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