A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for an anal deodorant.
The assistant explains that they don't stock them.
The man insists that he bought his last one from this store.
The assistant passes the man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item.
The man explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks ago nd has done for several years.
The pharmacist asks man to bring in his last purchase and he will try to match the product.
The following day, the man returns to the pharmacy and shows the deodorant to the pharmacist.
The pharmacist asks why the customer thinks this is an anal deodorant, when itis obviously of the underarm stick variety.
The customer explains that instructions on reverse state, "Push up bottom to use."
Subject: Only In America
Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke.
Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage.
Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"...
Here is a good one:
In a recent Computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
Funny and Inspiring